March 3, 2011
Dear Fellow Parent:
I am a parent of twin boys, now 13, whom we adopted at the age of 11 months. They are wonderful, bright boys – but we/they have struggled with significant behavioral issues. While their transition to us was difficult, we began to wonder if something was amiss when they were three. By the age of five, we knew something was going on that we did not understand. Daily, the least little frustration would result in intense rages that would last up to an hour. There were multiple threats to kill us, others or themselves. There were destructive, violent and aggressive behaviors, clingy behavior, sleep problems, mood swings. Most of this occurred at home with my husband and me. We were at a loss of what to do.
When they were six, we started seeing a psychologist to help us. We explored numerous “diagnosis:” ADD, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Conduct Disorder, and many meds. With every diagnosis, there were pieces that fit, and other pieces that did not. Some meds made things worse, others helped for a while.
About 3 years ago, our psychologist found an article on developmental trauma. Suddenly, all the information we had gathered about our boys’ history and their behavior fit. Multiple traumas, beginning in utero, had impacted their brain development. The more we read and researched, the more we began to understand how these “traumas,” none of which were violence related and many of which we did not even consider to be traumatic, were the root cause of our boys’ behaviors. But, the rages were continuing and the boys were getting bigger and stronger. We were emotionally and physically exhausted.
In December 2009, we attended our first parenting camp with Kimberly Erickson-Nichols in LaCrosse. Kimberly is a therapist and social worker who specializes in working with families with children with severe behaviors. We came away from that weekend with a renewed sense of hope that our children could heal. We realized we were not alone as we met other families who struggled with similar behaviors in their children – be they birth, adoptive or foster children. We began to heal emotionally. And, we began to learn and implement a new paradigm of parenting our boys. Last November, we attended our second parenting camp with Kimberly. While we still have a long ways to go in truly implementing this new paradigm of parenting, and our boys still have a lot of healing to do, we all have made significant progress in the last year.
In mid February, 80 teachers, social workers, law enforcement workers and therapists from the St. Croix Valley attended a workshop on developmental trauma with Kimberly Erickson Nichols. For many, this was new information. Because working with the parents is so vital to helping these kids heal, we asked them to help us identify families that they knew of who might be interested and benefit from a workshop for parents. Someone who cares about you may have suggested you receive this letter and invitation. Believe me, I know from experience how difficult it is to admit that you are afraid of your own kids, and that you don’t know what to do as a parent. You feel exhausted, ashamed and alone.
Kimberly Erickson-Nichols will be returning to this area to conduct a workshop for parents whose children exhibit severe behaviors on April 29 and 30. This intensive, hands on workshop will begin with supper on Friday evening as we get to know each other, and learn about brain development. Saturday will be spent continuing that journey as we learn, discuss and practice how we can parent these children in a manner to help them heal. I encourage both parents to attend if at all possible.
The workshop is limited to 36 people. Thanks to our sponsors: the Amery, Hudson, and River Falls Community Foundations and the St. Croix Valley Foundation, the cost to attend the workshop is $45/couple or $30/individual, which includes the Friday evening meal, Saturday noon meal, snacks and all materials. (A limited number of scholarships are available to help cover child care costs. Please inquire about these when you register.)
Contact the Family Resource Center St. Croix Valley 715-684-4440 for more information or to register for the parents workshop. I know we are not the only family who has struggled with this issue. Because it was so hard for us to find the help and support we needed, it has been my dream to help more parents find resources that will help them in their difficult parenting journey. Increasing the awareness about trauma and its impact with professionals was the first step toward realizing that dream. This workshop to empower parents is the second part of that dream. Please feel free to call me if you have questions about our experience or wonder if this workshop is for you.
Sincerely,
Linda Jacobson
River Falls, WI 54022
